shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
