I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
