I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
