I showed him my bush... on skype.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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