after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
