Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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