I am spending my child support on dildos
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
