I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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