And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
