not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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