I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That reminds me...we need to get swords
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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