First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
