the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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