there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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