Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
