I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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