I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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