He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
