That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
