you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's the barista slut.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
