Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
