Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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