Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
