so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
