can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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