i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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