What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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