just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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