I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize