When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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