we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
