wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
