You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
