If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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