I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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