Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
