dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
