He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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