Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
