i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
