I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
