Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
