My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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