with your own penis?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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