he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
