Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
