Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
