I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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