I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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