Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
