Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
