what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
