why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
