Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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