So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
