I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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