How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
