I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
