Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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