I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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