So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your penis caused this!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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