If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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