I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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