i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
