Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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