dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
