xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
